Research suggests that between 30 and 50 percent of couples who enter therapy don't experience lasting improvement — and some actually get worse. Before you despair, here's the reassuring part: when therapy stalls, the reasons are almost always predictable. Which means they're also fixable, once you can name them.

After more than 40 years as a couples therapist, the obstacles I see most often fall into two categories: things the couple brings in that block progress, and things the therapist is (or isn't) doing that make it worse. In the spirit of honesty, let's talk about both.

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You finally made the appointment for relationship therapy. After months,  maybe even years of the same arguments, the same pattern of escalation or shut down, the yelling or the silences, the same quiet despair wondering if anything will ever change.

Here's the question nobody usually asks you at that first session: Are you coming into therapy to fight for your relationship  or to fight against your partner?

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Everyone says communication is important. But what exactly are you supposed to do differently when you're standing in your kitchen, frustrated, and your partner just doesn't seem to get it?Here's what most advice misses: It's not about talking more. It's about talking differently.
This week we go over the 5 Skills you need in this moment.

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The couples who navigate this complexity consciously don't just survive it. They build something extraordinary — a Third Culture that is richer, more flexible, and more deeply theirs than either partner's world alone.

This week's post explores the science of what makes intercultural relationships thrive and offers concrete tools drawn from Gottman Method, Nonviolent Communication, and intercultural psychology to help you bridge the gap, share the labor, and build the relationship that only the two of you could create.

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This week's blog post explores what that means for all of us — the science, the ancient wisdom traditions that already knew this, and the four qualities of positive mothering that anyone can cultivate: fertility, containment, sacrifice from wholeness, and wholehearted empathy. Plus practical, research-backed tips for the mothers in active daily caregiving who are running on empty.

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Strong relationships are built by two whole people. When each partner brings genuine well-being into the relationship, the partnership has a sturdier foundation to grow from — and personal happiness isn't a fixed trait. It's a skill you can practice.

This week, we're sharing three research-backed habits that boost individual well-being and, almost as a bonus, strengthen your closest connections. Try them solo, or invite your partner to join you.

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Congratulations on your new baby! The act of bringing a new human into the world is one of life’s most miraculous and transformative events. While you may feel both exhausted and exhilarated, the reality of 24/7 newborn care often lands on modern parents who lack the traditional "village" of support. In the US, the intense focus on individualism, coupled with often non-existent or insufficient parental leave, forces a rapid and unsustainable transition back to pre-baby life.

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Adult intimate relationships are a lot like our immune system.

But what happens when your immune system—or your relationship—is weakened through repeated injuries, deprivation, or chronic erosion?

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Have you experienced less interest or ability to listen and relate to friends and family talking about their lives? Perhaps you find that your brain is scanning and ruminating about the various digital communities and activities you follow during your most intimate and romantic moments with your partner?  
This is a serious slide into disconnection that will have lasting consequences in your life!  So let’s talk about ways you can begin to reverse this trend starting today.

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Wisdom for our own relationships can be found in nature all around us, from emperor penguins who mate for life to the complex social structure of a beehive.  This issue looks at what the great Redwoods have to teach us about how to stand tall when storms come our way. 

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When a desire for honest expression lacks tact and consideration, it risks crossing a line from healthy assertiveness into harmful aggression. Conversely, people who suppress their feelings may find that anger leaks out in sneaky, passive-aggressive ways. Neither approach supports a thriving relationship.

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